"Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns AND missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine."
During Family Guy's initial run while I was in junior high, before the days of online video, DVD burners, etc. I would tape every single episode of Family Guy on VHS and watch them over and over. I know the first few seasons of that show word-for-word and I still love rewatching the old seasons. When it came back after its hiatus a few years later, I watched it fairly often, but in recent years I have stopped watching altogether. I bought a few seasons and watched them, but it hasn't had the same draw for me in recent years as it used to (though I heard some of the last few seasons are quite good). Long story short, I have always been a fan of Seth Macfarlane's writing and his unique mix of social commentary and completely random cutaways ("That reminds me of the time...."), so I was excited to see what the Family Guy team could bring to the big screen. Seth Macfarlane wore all the hats here (director, writer, co-producer, and voice of Ted) and for his first feature film, Ted is a rousing success.
Ted is the story of John Benett's (Mark Wahlberg) wish to make his stuffed toy bear come to life. Thorough some magic (explained by Patrick Stewart, the narrator), the wish comes true and the stuffed bear becomes Ted, a walking, talking stuffed bear. Fast forward twenty-seven years, and John is working a dead-end job at a car rental company while Ted, now a washed-up celebrity, sits at home smoking weed. John is dating Lori (Mila Kunis), who feels her relationship with John can never move forward while Ted is in the picture. John must find a way to keep the woman of his dreams happy without abandoning his best friend. The story is mostly predictable, but the plot is not the concern here as the jokes take center stage. The writing is fantastic and the movie flies from one piece to the next, and though it does drag a bit in the third act, it never completely runs out of steam.
Ted is very much like a live-action episode of Family Guy, with similar comedic style and the same type of jokes. I found the movie to be absolutely hilarious and is the hardest I have laughed since seeing Bridesmaids the first time. It is, however, not for all audiences. This movie will never be able to be played on network TV as you would have to remove around half of the film to make it even remotely appropriate for a broad audience. It has no qualms with being disgusting, offensive, politically incorrect and often racist. If that type of humor is not your cup of tea, look elsewhere. If you have a more open mind (and perhaps a less mature sense of humor) you will thoroughly enjoy Ted. Like Family Guy, it is packed full of pop culture references that will eventually date the movie years from now buy today can be appreciated. There are a surprisingly large amount of references to the 1980 Flash Gordon film, which upon my polling of people afterwards, it appears no one has seen (it is worth watching for the soundtrack alone).
Voiced by Macfarlane himself, the character of Ted steals the show. He is a combination of several Family Guy characters, bringing together Brian's alcoholism, Stewie's social commentary, and Quagmire's disgusting sexual antics into one complete package. Ted and The Other Guys have both convinced me that Mark Wahlberg's niche is comedy and not action movies; he is much better as a comedic star. He makes the idea that he is best friends with a talking stuffed bear truly believable while additionally delivering some truly funny dialogue. Mila Kunis plays her usual reliable girlfriend role from Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Friends with Benefits, but she plays the role well. Giovanni Ribisi plays the main antagonist, a grown man who was obsessed with Ted when he was a child and how has his own child who he wants to live vicariously through. A nice surprise is Joel McHale (Jeff Winger from Community, which I adore) as Rex, Lori's creepy boss. Several other Family Guy cast members make appearances as well.
Overall, Ted is a great movie with sharp writing and strong acting from some of the best comedic stars working today. I do, however, have a hard time recommending Ted to everyone, as I know the type of humor here will not sit well with many people. If you find Family Guy funny, or you can appreciate more lowbrow types of humour, you will likely love Ted as much as I did.
